50 Questions to Ask Yourself and Your Partner Before Marriage

By Sophie Shannahoff AMFT

While not everyone’s end goal in life or relationships is marriage, for those who do choose this path, it's important to understand both the legal and emotional weight it carries. Committing to spend your life with someone means having honest conversations about the future, especially the “what ifs.” These discussions help clarify where your values and goals align, building confidence in the relationship. They also highlight areas of difference, giving you a chance to prepare for potential challenges before they arise.

Conflict in any long-term relationship is inevitable and it's completely natural to disagree with your partner at times. Asking intentional questions early on can help you both set realistic expectations and learn how to navigate life as a team.

Below are 50 meaningful questions to ask your partner before marriage. These are designed to spark important conversations and deepen your connection as you plan your future together. I would also suggest you ask yourself these questions too! The goal here is not agreement, but rather curiosity in your own answer and your partner’s. 

50 questions to ask yourself and your partner before marriage:

Foundations and Values

1. How do you define commitment?

2. What are your core values in life and relationships?

3. What does being in a marriage mean to you?

4. What are your views on divorce?

5. What role does religion or spirituality play in your life?

6. What political or social beliefs are most important to you?

Life Goals and Lifestyle

1. Where do you see yourself in five years? What about ten?

2. Do you want children? If so, how many?

3. What would your ideal place to live look like (suburban, city, rural etc.)?

4. How important is travel to you, and how often do you want to travel?

Finances

1. How do you feel about saving, spending, and budgeting?

2. Should we combine our finances or keep them separate?

3. What are your thoughts on financial roles within a marriage?

4. Do you have debt? If so, how do you manage it?

Conflict and Communication

1. How do you typically handle conflict?

2. What do you need from me when we’re in a disagreement?

3. Are you open to therapy – individually, as a couple, or both?

4. What’s something I do that irritates you?

5. How do you prioritize honest communication?

6. In what ways is communication challenging for you?

Intimacy and Sex

1. What does a fulfilling sex life look like to you?

2. How important is physical touch in your daily life?

3. Are there any preferences or boundaries around intimacy I should know about?

4. How comfortable are you discussing our sex life – with me and/or with others?

5. What helps you feel emotionally connected to me?

Family and Relationships?

1. What’s your relationship like with your family?

2. How should we approach holidays and family traditions?

3. What are your beliefs about parenting?

4. How do you envision caring for your parents as they age?

5. How should we handle disagreements about each other’s families?

Household and Roles

1. What are your expectations of chores and responsibilities?

2. What does a “fair” division of labor look like?

3. How should we bring it up if one of us feels the other isn’t pulling their weight?

4. How should we make decisions about home organization and daily logistics?

5. If we buy a home, what do you think financial responsibilities should look like for this?

Friendship and Independence

1. How much alone time do you need?

2. How can we ask for space without hurting each other’s feelings?

3. What does privacy mean to you in a relationship?

4. How do you see your partner fitting into your social life?

Trust and Commitment

1. What helps you feel secure in a relationship?

2. Do you struggle with jealousy or trust issues?

3. What does loyalty look like to you?

4. How should we rebuild trust if it’s ever broken?

5. How do you define cheating?

6. What are your thoughts on monogamous vs. open or polyamorous relationships?

7. What does emotional safety mean for you?

Fun, Rituals, and Future Planning

1. What’s your idea of quality time together?

2. Are there any rituals or traditions you'd like us to create or pass down?

3. What kinds of events do you want to celebrate together?

4. How can we keep our romance alive over the years?